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A blessing for when you feel too anxious to rest

For the dark, pensive hours

You feel like you’re all alone. It’s dark out— or maybe it’s not, you don’t have any windows to see. It’s quiet, but not a quiet of peaceful stillness. It’s a menacing quiet, a quiet of the calm before the storm. Or so it feels.

You know you should rest, but your animal self is alert, attuned to the danger that surely must be coming out of the looming darkness of the night.

That phone call.

That message.

That knock on the door.

You know that others are nearby, but they feel far away. You don’t want to disturb them. This is your burden to bear, not theirs.

Blessed are you who is scared. You know it matters. It’s always mattered. You don’t feel ready for this, and yet you’re thrust into it.

Here’s the secret— no one feels ready for it. And those who do feel ready? Those are the ones who are the least ready.

Let your fear remind you of how much you care. Somehow, despite everything, you still do care.

Blessed are you who cares too much. It doesn’t feel like a blessing right now.

Maybe one day you’ll learn to tame that depth of caring. Maybe one day you’ll put a bridle and a saddle on that wild animal self and learn how to care without being consumed.

But for now, for this night, for this moment, forgive yourself for caring too much.

Blessed are you who cares.

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