Fall Conferences

Fall parent conferences are, in many ways, like a third date. By November, I have already met most of my students’ parents. At the beginning of the school year, we host Parent Connection Meetings in lieu of a Back to School Night; the idea being that one-on-one, ten-minute conversations are more personal than presenting to a room full of anxious and eager parents. After the first trimester, once report cards are sent home, I schedule conferences for parents to meet with me to discuss their child’s progress thus far. At their scheduled time, we meet in my classroom, sometimes with their child present, and chat about the first third of the school year. First and second dates are for pleasantries and making good impressions, a screener to see if two people are compatible. A third date is for conversations of consequence, trying to build caring connections. Even in disagreement you are building a relationship.

I used to be scared of parents. As a 23-year-old, novice teacher, I worried that I needed to prove myself as a capable educator. At fall conferences, I stressed about providing enough evidence to justify the grades I marked on students’ report cards. No matter how large a body of evidence I collected, I anxiously braced myself for pushback.

As I got older, had children of my own, and attended my children’s conferences, I got to sit on the other side of the table, anxiously awaiting the teacher’s pronouncement about how my child was doing. I nervously sat hoping for good news, bracing for bad.

As both teacher and parent, I have delivered and received praise and feedback. On the teacher side, I want my students’ parents to have an honest, accurate, and a caring academic appraisal of their child. On the parent side, I want my children’s teachers to care about my child, and assure me that they are a competent student. On the teacher side, I want my students’ parents to trust my earnest assessment of their child, and see me as a competent and caring teacher. The anticipation of judgement on both sides always leads to anxiety and unfounded feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.

When I meet with parents in November, we’ve already exchanged pleasantries and had conversations. I’ve called home at least a few times, telling them about something incredible their child did or said, or