Your child's getting a phone. Now what?

Welcome back to Techno Sapiens! I’m Jacqueline Nesi, a psychologist, professor, and mom of a toddler and preschooler who both love to take my best-laid plans—a trip to the museum! A “simple” craft project! A bike ride around the neighborhood!—and throw them directly into the garbage.

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6 min read

Hi there, sapiens.

Apparently, it’s “back to school season.”

Yes, yes, I know the data: more than half of U.S. students are back in the classroom by mid-August, so the end of summer really is fast approaching. But I’m choosing to cope with this information by (literally) going to the beach, (figuratively) burying my head in the sand, and (emotionally?) hoping those school medical forms simply fill themselves out.1

However! I know for many families, this time of year means less denial and more preparation. And part of that preparation involves new digital devices, including, for some, a phone.

So, if you’ve decided to take the plunge on getting your child their first phone, how can you set them (and you) up for success?

I’ve got plans

There are some situations in parenting where a “let’s just see how it goes” approach is totally appropriate. I’m thinking, for example, of a recent travel day with my family, involving a two-hour ferry ride and three-hour car trip that coincided with my 2-year-old’s nap time (spoiler: it did not go well, but was partially remedied by a quick gas station stop for snacks).2

Your child getting a first phone is not one of those situations.

You’ll want to go in with a plan.

This can be overwhelming, I know. There are a lot of conflicting pieces of advice, scary headlines, and dire warnings out there when it comes to introducing a phone.

So, let me start by offering a quick reframe: a first phone (or, really, any new device) can actually be an opportunity.

It’s a great time to have important conversations, get clear on boundaries, and set the tone for ongoing, open communication about what is and is not working when it comes to your family’s tech use.

Okay, fine, an opportunity. But where do I start?

Wouldn’t it be nice if someone could just outline all the conversations you might want to have, the rules to think through, the expectations to set—and put ...