Is F* Around and Find Out Parenting Backed By Research?

Source: Hannah Nelson/Pexels

The Wall Street Journal recently published an article that gained a lot of attention among parents. The article was titled “Goodbye Gentle Parenting, Hello F* Around and Find Out” and it described a new parenting style, F* Around and Find Out Parenting (or FAFO parenting). FAFO parenting seems to be a backlash to the gentle parenting movement. The cheeky name may make FAFO parenting seem like a joke but many parents and influencers seem to be seriously considering the merits of this approach. So is there really any research backing up any aspects of this parenting style? And should you try it out in your own life?

What Exactly is F* Around and Find Out (FAFO) Parenting?

FAFO parenting involves giving children the freedom to make choices and test limits (the “F* Around” part) and then enforcing or allowing natural and logical consequences for the choices they make (the “Find Out” part). For example, FAFO parents would allow children not to wear a coat on a cold day and “find out” on their own just how uncomfortable they feel without it. They may not remind children about homework and allow the child to face the consequences of not turning it in. FAFO parents also do not shy away from consequences enforced by parents. For example, if a child misuses the iPad, the parent may take it away for a period of time, or if they don’t clean up their toys, the parent may throw away or donate some of them.

FAFO parenting feels like a direct counter to gentle parenting which advises parents to avoid consequences. It also seems to provide a solution for parents who worry whether gentle parenting prepares children for the “real world.”

FAFO parenting as a whole is too new to be comprehensively studied by researchers (even gentle parenting hasn’t been studied in this way yet— although see a previous newsletter here reviewing the research on aspects of gentle parenting). Yet, there is research on the different components of FAFO parenting and understanding this research can help us to understand which parts parents may want to implement and which parts they may want to avoid or implement more cautiously.

Which Parts of FAFO Parenting Are Backed by Research?

1. Allowing children autonomy and choice. One of the aspects of FAFO parenting that is most backed by research is the “F* around” part of