The Most Important Thing You Can Teach Your Toddler

Every parent of a toddler wants to know how to stop tantrums, hitting, biting, and other challenging behaviors. Research finds that one of the most effective ways to reduce these behaviors is by teaching social-emotional skills. But how exactly do you teach something so complex to a toddler? Here are five research-backed hacks for encouraging the development of these skills without making it feel like a lesson:

1. Try emotional bridging: Emotional bridging is the practice of pointing out emotions to children and then explaining the cause of the emotion and linking the emotion to the child’s own experiences. These explanations help to “bridge” the gap between the emotion and its cause and “bridge” the gap between the emotions of others and the child’s own emotions which helps to build empathy. For example, you could say something like: “The girl in this book is angry because her fun plans were cancelled. Do you remember when we had to cancel that play date and you felt angry?” Research finds that teaching parents to use this strategy results in fewer behavioral problems in children.

2. Use structuring instead than directing: Research has found that parents who respond to their child’s negative emotions with structuring (helping the child to use a coping strategy on their own) instead of directing (telling the child what to do) show improved self-regulation abilities. For example, if your child is upset because they can’t figure out how to operate a toy, directing would mean saying something like “Stop crying. Here, I’ll do it for you,” while structuring would mean saying something like “I see you’re frustrated. Maybe you could try pushing this button and see if it turns the toy on?” Here’s another example— your child is sick of waiting for their turn with a toy and starts whining, directing would be saying something like “No whining! You just have to wait!” while structuring would mean saying something like “I know waiting can be hard. What can you do while you wait? Do you want to sing a song or play a game with me?”.

3. Read children books with social-emotional themes: Research finds that reading children books with social and emotional themes increases their empathy and kind behavior. In particular, you may want to read books that model healthy coping strategies since research shows that children can learn emotional regulation strategies