Dear Liberal Friends

Dear Liberal Friends,

I shifted away from your centrist politics not long ago, and I have to admit, I’m pretty terrible at this leftism thing.

I’m not good at organizing. I’m not good at community care. I have given mutual aid, but always outside my geographic area.

I’m also bad at this because I’m centering myself right now.

I’m bad at this because I’m “cerebral,” as my wife aptly said. I’d rather read a book than turn a doorknob. I’m stuck in theory and words—I have piss-poor praxis. I’m a slacktivist. There are no sores on the soles of my feet, so I’m sure I have blood on my hands. More than I already do, anyway.

I have no practical skills. My social skills are egregious. I contribute little outside of my job or my family. I’m in a very red state and I don’t know where to start.

I’m a bad leftist because at times I hide behind the label instead of reckoning with white supremacy in my surroundings and in myself, and white supremacy is what really won this election.

I am quick to judge your liberal politics, despite knowing shame serves no one, and despite being a former Democrat myself. I’m a hypocrite.

I’m a bad leftist.

Yet I’m better at this human thing than I used to be—this is where my hope lies. It’s egotistical, I’m sure, but in this current moment when hope is hard to grasp, hope in the one human I know best is all I have. Or, put another way: I have hope because I can barely recognize my past self (and not just because he has short hair and zero tattoos).

I’m not one for quoting Ernest Hemingway ever, let alone off-the-cuff, but as Hemingway once (supposedly) said:

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

I can’t stand my former self, he can’t stand me, and that gives me hope.

In 2008 I voted for McCain. I thought men-kissing-men was a real evil in the world. I thought climate change was a hoax, because I read a book recommended by my old, white history professor. And “Palestine” was just a word I heard on Glenn Beck’s radio