Do You Have a Favorite Child?

Source: Danik Prihodko/Pexels

“I don’t have a favorite child— I love you all equally” is something all parents of more than one child have been programmed to say. However, if you have more than one child yourself or you come from a family with more than one child, you may have wondered if this is really true. If you suspect that your own parents have a favorite child or you sometimes feel like you might have a favorite child, you aren’t alone. In fact, research finds that 74% of mothers and 70% of fathers report that they give preferential treatment to one child over another. The “favorite child” drama does not end in childhood— research suggests that concerns about parents’ favoritism persist even into adulthood.

So what do we know from the research about favorite children and preferential treatment? And, most importantly, what can you do to make sure that your children aren’t negatively impacted by perceived (or real) preferential treatment?

How Do I Know if I Have a Favorite Child?

If you are thinking that this research could never apply to you since you don’t have a favorite child, think again. Even if you are a parent who has sworn never to have favorites, you may find yourself wanting to be around the child who is challenging you the least at any given time, favoring your younger child in a sibling argument, or spending the most time with the child who needs you the most. Of course, differential treatment is very normal and understandable. Who wouldn’t prefer playing one of your favorite board games with your 10-year-old over arguing with your toddler about why they have to wear socks? Or who wouldn’t prefer cuddling with their preschooler over being pushed away by a moody teenager? And let’s all be honest— some children are just easier to parent than other children regardless of their age or stage. It is also hard not to have a natural affinity towards a child who shares your temperament (such as being more calm or more extroverted) or who has common interests.

These types of temporary stages of preferential treatment aren’t what researchers and psychologists are worried about and likely won’t have a negative impact on children. However, all parents need to be careful that these brief periods of differential treatment don’t become a consistent pattern of favoritism. So what exactly does it