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The Solitary

Deep Dives

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Osservanza Master, Saint Anthony the Abbot in the Wilderness, c. 1435, Tempera and gold on wood

A long table took up most of the room, and around it sat 16 men. As a group, they had a wild and wasted look, with skeletal limbs, hollow cheeks, unshorn beards, and fixed stares. Maurice submitted to the scrutiny of this assembly of saints like a martyr to the flames. His salvation depended on his winning a place among them.

At the head of the table, Apa Zeno, the holy father of the colony, looked off vacantly and scratched himself. To his right sat his deputy, Elias, who raised a hand. “Brothers, let me introduce our guest. This is Maurice, who came here forty days ago to make himself a monk. Brother Thomas, who has been training him, tells me he is ready to share our common meal. Consider well whether he should be allowed to settle in our holy place. When we meet together after the meal, I want to hear what is in your hearts. Then I will speak to Apa Zeno, and he will make his judgment.”

Maurice took a seat at the table beside Apa Zeno. Despite his nerves, he was hungry. On the plate before him was a small loaf of bread that made up only half the normal ration. Nearby lay a large plate filled with a lumpy yellowish paste and an earthen jug.

“Maurice, do not be shocked by what you see on our table. When we gather for a meal of fellowship at the end of the week, we ease the strictness of our regimen. The loaf before you is fresh-baked. Soon this plate of cooked lentils will be passed around along with wine to fill our cups. Each brother will serve himself in order of seniority, according to our custom. As he does, he will ask you a question or two to determine the state of your soul. Will you answer us truthfully, in the name of Christ?”

Maurice recalled with shame how on his arrival to the colony his vocation had almost been lost when he slipped into a lie. In any case, he knew it would do his soul no good to enter this brotherhood by guile. “I swear to God.”

Elias led the group in the Lord’s Prayer. Having served Apa Zeno and himself from the large plate, he passed

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