#100. Helping Kids (and Ourselves) Use Smartphones Safely
Deep Dives
Explore related topics with these Wikipedia articles, rewritten for enjoyable reading:
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Hunter-gatherer
12 min read
The article repeatedly references hunter-gatherer parenting practices as the gold standard for autonomy-supportive child-rearing. Understanding the anthropological research on how these societies raised children would provide deep context for the author's arguments about natural child development.
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Luddite
13 min read
The author dismisses 'Luddites' as never having changed history, but most readers likely don't know the fascinating true story of this 19th-century English textile worker movement - their actual grievances, methods, and historical context are far more nuanced than the modern pejorative usage suggests.
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Self-determination theory
15 min read
The article's core concept of 'trustful, autonomy-supportive parenting' directly derives from self-determination theory in psychology, which explains how autonomy, competence, and relatedness drive intrinsic motivation and psychological well-being. This provides the scientific foundation for the author's parenting philosophy.
Dear friends,
In Letter #89, a few weeks ago, I described the characteristics of trustful, autonomy-supportive parenting (abbreviated TAS parenting), and I cited research showing that young people who experienced such parenting are, on average, psychologically healthier, socially more well-connected, and more self-motivated and self-regulated than otherwise comparable others. I described there eleven parenting practices that characterize this approach. For today’s discussion, the four most relevant of those practices are:
(1) striving to see from the child’s point of view;
(2) resisting fear-based and defensive modes of parenting;
(3) enabling free play and independent exploration; and especially
(4) teaching safety rules instead of banning activities, to the degree reasonably possible.
In much of my previous writing, including my book Free to Learn, I have described the advantages of being a TAS parent as applied to children’s activities in the 3-dimensional physical world, the world we think of as the real world. I have argued, with evidence, that for optimal development children need much more autonomy in the physical world than most are allowed. They need to play, explore, take risks, and get away from direct adult control for the sake of their immediate and future cognitive, emotional, and social well-being.
But today we and our children live not just in the 3-D physical word, but also in the digital world, manifested usually on 2-dimensional screens. Wellbeing today requires the ability to navigate and enjoy both worlds safely, and to be resilient to the inevitable slings and arrows of both. There is no going back. Luddites have never changed the course of history. To grow up healthy, children must explore the digital world as well as the physical one. Questions that arise, therefore, to appropriately cautious parents are these:
• How much freedom verses constraint should we allow our children in the digital world?
• At what ages should specific digital freedoms become available?
• How can we help children navigate the digital world safely?
Reasonable people today hold a wide range of opinions on these questions. I can’t answer them for individual parents, because every kid is different and every living situation is different. The most I can do is present some ideas to think about.
Conscientious parents have always recognized the value of teaching safety and reducing the hazards associated with children’s free-range activities. Parents in band hunter-gatherer cultures are, as a group, the
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